..::overwhelmed::..

Do you ever get the feeling that you have no control over your children? Just feel utterly overwhelmed and you need to take a step back and just breathe before you carry on. That's me. Right now.

Corbin is participating in a play- he had to do it, he wanted to do it soooo bad- I warned him how much work it would be but no, he had to do it. So today was their first REALLY long rehearsal- an hour, of just the schoolchildren practicing their big scene and then an hour and a half afterward of the entire ACT 1. I, personally, thinkt he director is nutty for setting it up this way as there are a number of 4-6 year olds in there that are not able to attend for nearly that long, my son included.

So, we went to the rehearsal today. First thing Corbin is running all around the room- I call him over and tell him he needs to stop running and he needs to take this seriously- he calms down rather easily and sits in his chair. Oh by the way, I have Brian during this as well. Of course I can't keep Brian in the rehearsal room- just no way- he wants to run and yell and do his thing. So I take him out in the hallway, we walk down the hallway, hand in hand. I turn us around to walk back- but I made the mistake of turning around BEFORE we actually reached the end of the hallway. This makes Brian extremely angry and he starts running down the hall SCREAMING. His sounds are echoing everywhere- I'm running after him, full speed, and still not catching up- I caught ahold of his shirt twice, both times him escaping my grip. I finally get him, just in time, for two parents, the director, and a handful of kids looking out the door at us and being "reprimanded" for being loud in the hallway. Great. I tell Corbin I'm going to go do some errands while he's in rehearsal.

Brian and I go to Wal-Mart to pick up a few things we need for our trip to Boston tomorrow (yeah I'm really double thinking this trip by the way). Brian does an alright job in Wal-Mart, though he has become really spacey and determined about where he wants to go in there- just walking right away from me because he sees a display with cartoons on it. After we leave he tries to book it out into the parking lot, another thing he hasn't done in forever. I catch him, we get to the car safely.

So we return to rehearsal- and I find Corbin pretty much wrestling on the floor with another two boys, giggling, laughing- would be cute except it's right in the middle of their big number. Corbin has no idea, I believe, that every other kid in the school is singing and dancing at this moment. I give him a glare and he becomes all melancholy and slumps over to me, while the song is still going on and asks why I'm mad. I tell him that I told him this was going to be a lot of work and I don't understand why he's not paying attention and trying harder. He says that the other boys do stuff and he can't get his brain to listen to what he's suppose to do (and why have people told me he might have ADD? lol). The real kicker is these two boys are the directors' sons and it bugs me that she isn't getting after them as well.

So this time Brian and I are trying to sit and watch- I asked him if he could be quiet and he says "yes". He holds true to this, he stays quiet. He wants some water so I give him my water bottle, two seconds later- the entire, full bottle ends up on the floor. So now we have to make numerous trips back & forth to the bathroom to get towels to wipe it up. Brian is crying through it all and I'm getting stares from everyone. So fun.

A break is called and I take the boys outside to get some drinks and talk to Corbin. Corbin says he is really going to try harder, I tell him I'm proud of him and know he can do a fantastic job but it is hard work. We walk back in after the break and Brian is just screaming, too many transitions by this point. I tell Corbin I just can't do it, I need to bring Brian home for a little bit and I'll be back to get him. He's cool with it, thankfully. He has become accustomed to being a brother to a boy with autism.

So that's where I am. I came home, Brian immediately started pulling stuff out of the cupboards here at home and I just said, "Brian please go upstairs to play." I went into the laundry room, did some deep breathing, and then came to the computer. Brian came down, came over to me and gave me a big hug. I love my boys no matter what but man, sometimes, I could just use a little break.