A very good friend of mine, though we've never met face-to-face lol, wrote a post on her blog, This Is The Life of a Soccermom, about how she sometimes just feels like she just wants to stop her job of raising a child with special-needs. I completely felt her whole post. Us "Special-needs Moms" have a tough job. It's not easy, we're not saints. It's hard work! And some days we just want to give it all up, throw the towel in. Of course that mood always goes away. But I've learned not to ignore it- it's only human to feel that way sometimes. Her post reminded me of a diary entry- I went and found it and it was written in December of 2007- after trying to attend one of Josh's basketball games where Brian was just completely out-of-hand. I have a lot of family members who play sports but unfortunately I'm not ever really able to go and enjoy any of their games. I'm going to share it as I found Michelle so strong and brave for her post and it was truly inspiring.
i give up. i forfeit- throwing the towel in. i can not do this anymore- i did not ask for this. i'm not a goddamn martyr. i tried that role. always spinning it to give it a postive vibe. but i feel i've run clean out of optimism. cynicism is my new best friend. i've tried everything the past year and a half. every new therapy i read about. tons of money on special foods and supplements spent. why can't it work? why can't brian overcome this? why have i lost all patience with him lately? i want to lead a normal life. i want to go to a freakin basketball game- is that so much to ask? i feel like a spoiled child when this mood overcomes me but i have realized i'm entitled to it. feelings are just feelings. not wrong or right. they are there no matter how much positivity you drill into your head everyday.