I hear that line from my son a lot. I hear it when I lie Brian down in his bed to brush his teeth instead of having him stand at the sink. I hear it at dinner when Brian just needs to touch the new food to his tongue, where Corbin has to actually eat one bite. I hear it when Brian goes to therapeutic horseback riding.
On a bad day I'd like to snap back, "Yeah, you're right. It's not fair that your brother can't talk, that he can't tell me he loves me, that certain foods give him rashes and really bad stomachaches and leaves him so he either can't poop for days or has explosive diarrhea. It's not fair that sometimes things are so wrong for him that he needs to physically hurt himself to feel better, it's not fair that he doesn't have any friends, and that he might never get married or have a family of his own." And on a tirade like that I could go on forever and forever.
But on a good day I agree with him. It's not fair for my little "neurotypical" boy either. It's not fair that sometimes we can't go to activities that Corbin loves because I'm the only adult and I just can't handle Brian by myself at events like those. It's not fair that Brian has no respect for Corbin's toys and has been known to break them in the past. It's not fair that he has a brother, that does love him very much, but doesn't play any games with him like a typical brother would. It's not fair that Corbin's mom has to put so much time and energy into Brian everyday.
Autism is not a fair thing. It's not fair for anyone involved. Growing up one of my mother's lines was "Life's not fair, get used to it", whenever we'd complain about some insignificant problem. I never realized how true that line would be. And that's what we've done- we have just learned to get use to it. Sometimes when things seem like they haven't been fair in a while for my little C I make sure that he gets some one-on-one time with me, because he definitely deserves it. I love him so much and I want to make sure he always realizes that, even when things are not fair.
