Regression Evaded.

Last week Brian struggled at school.  Crying, lethargic, whiny, kind of tantrum-my.  I knew that he was sick.  I knew he had been out of school for eleven days because of Christmas vacation.  Yet, I couldn't kick that nagging feeling that he was regressing again.  Last year it was after the same break that he slowly started to regress- he regressed so hard from January through March that he stopped writing his name, saying words that we had worked so long to say, and was suddenly unable to stay in his inclusive classroom that he was previously prospering in.

I felt like I was going to see that downward spiral again.  Once you've seen your child regress (once, twice, three times) I think you stop breathing and the world slows down every time there is a sickness or there's a couple days of bad moods.  You try to be positive and not think that, but it's close to impossible when you've dealt with that pain previously.

But, today Brian came out of school, smiling, laughing, running up to me with a huge hug.  He had fully positive reports from everyone with a "back to his happy self" note in his backpack.  I think we're safe, without a regression this time around.  I can breath normally again.

Crazy.

This morning, while I was still in a deep sleep, Brian came bounding into my room, jumped on to my stomach, squeezed and patted my cheeks and said, "You go cwaaaazy".

Yes, buddy, I am going crazy.  But laughing and smiling all the way.

Today was the first day he was back to himself after his illness.  He's still coughing and snotting everywhere, but the fever is gone, sleeping is back to normal, and the light is back in his eyes.

The above phrase is one I always say to him in  a silly voice when he starts to stim big time- like when he is flailing around on the couch, rocking back and forth, flapping hands, laughing hysterically, and repeating "digga digga digga" all at the same time.  Then I sit on him and give him some joint compressions and deep squeezes until he's come back down.  He's repeated the phrase to me at times, but I've never heard him say it independently.

What a great way to let me know he's coming out of his sickness-induced coma- that he's gonna make me go crazy.  And he succeeded- just listening to that damn Penguin Race stay on for thirty minutes is enough to put anyone in the nut house.  At least it's now getting the flaps it deserved, that he didn't give to it on Christmas morning.

Drive-Bys and Day Care

I'm in the process of looking for after-school care for the boys.  Thanks to Josh's schedule I only need to find it for two days a week for an hour and a half.  Sounds simple enough.  Except that I'm kind of neurotic.  The boys have never been in daycare.  I have always been able to find a family member or very close friend that could cover any time before I arrived home from school/work.  This is a big step for me.

First I called and asked for a list of daycares in the area, on the bus route, that had quality ratings.  The next logical step would be for me to call and schedule an interview.  But I'm not very logical.  Instead I showered and asked Josh if he would go do some "drive-bys" with me.

Don't laugh at me, like he did.  Seriously, I wanted to drive by each address I had and "judge a book by it's cover" and decide whether or not they were even worth calling.  We laughed as we drove around, pulled some illegal U-turns, and rated each home/building with a five-star rating system.  One daycare got an extra half-a-star because Josh spotted a dog, and Brian loves dogs.  Another got zero stars for having what looked like a junkyard of broken, rusting toys piled up in an unkempt yard.

We narrowed it down and I made all the calls today.  I kept it really simple- told them the days I needed, the ages of my children, snow day/vacation questions, etc.  I may have left out the word "autism".   Important detail, right?  In my illogical brain, I thought I would save that for tomorrow when I go do the interviews.  I didn't want them to prejudge him (how many people have you met who immediately think "a biter", "aggressive", "mean") and when I do say the big "A word", I'd like to be face-to-face, so I can see their expression.  Tells a lot about a person.

Sick of Sick

Being sick sucks.  It sucks for any child, but I have to argue it sucks big time when your child has other needs.

Brian can never just be normal sick.  He always has to have these mysteries.  Like how the hell does he fight a 102.6 fever for 3 1/2 days, then break and be completely normal for a day, then have a low-grade fever of 100.1, then an hour later be back down to 98.6, and then of course as soon as he gets to school the fever rises again.

He can't blow his nose.  No idea how to do it all, so mucous galore.

After so much work to get him to take his supplements like a good boy- it's all out the window after the three days in a row of a 102.6 fever.

It's wonderful to have supplements spit all over you, ten minutes before you have to go out the door to have an interview with your fieldwork supervisor.

He's sleeping a lot.  That's a plus.  But it's never a sound sleep, he's crying in his sleep all night long.  So therefore I am up all night long.

Though it doesn't seem like a sound sleep he is peeing his bed every time he naps, as if he can't wake himself up.  I am seriously rushing around every day to make sure he has enough clean bedding for the next time he falls asleep.  I need a bigger linen closet to fit the extra sheets I had to buy.

He falls asleep anywhere, which is kind of humorous.  He loves the heater in the kitchen, he always hangs out there.  Here he is sleeping on the kitchen floor next to the heater.

He's cranky.  He's not responding.  So a simple question like "Peanut butter or safflower oil on your toast?"  gets no response.  Then when stupid mom sets the unwanted peanut butter next to the toast, expect a huge tantrum.

It's not all bad.  He's very cuddly.  Which I love.  Would be better if I wasn't getting coughed on and if I didn't witness him wiping his running nose on my snuggie.


Then on top of all that- add in that the other boy has had a cough and running nose for two weeks now.  Have I ever mentioned his overactive gag reflex?  Corbin is the only child I've ever met that has been exempt from having to clean up after snacks or lunch at school because he will throw up if he looks inside a garbage can.  He has thrown up at the dentist's office if they venture anywhere past his teeth in his mouth.  He has thrown up when he smells something foul.  He has thrown up when he saw a smashed pumpkin on the sidewalk.  He throws up when he coughs too hard.  He has thrown up almost every day since he's had this cold, not a viral thing at all, just coughing too hard.    And he hasn't once made it to the toilet.  So add his laundry on top of Brian's linens.  Wonderful.

My "take it one day at a time" resolution is already being tested.

Resolutions

Do you make resolutions?  I have tried to stay away from them, only so I don't taste that bitter taste of failure when I can't live up to the unrealistic standards that I have set.  Why do we believe that a date on a calendar means we can do a complete reversal on the way we live?  Kudos, huge kudos, to those who do set the resolutions and keep them.

Despite feeling so negative towards this tradition, it is a tradition.  And I'm one of those Moms that love traditions.  I explained to Corbin what New Years Resolutions were and for our dinner topic last night we all brainstormed and discussed our choices.

I have a lot of things I'd like to change in my life, but I wanted to settle on something I really think I could achieve.  In the end, I decided my resolution would be to just take one day at a time.  Next Monday I will be starting clinicals, two separate 8-week settings.  I am beyond nervous.  Not necessarily for the actual work I'll be doing, but more for the time I'll be away from the boys.  I know if I get in the right mindset, it won't be that hard.  I just need to tell myself I can do anything for 8 weeks, that May is not that far away (graduation!), and when things are hard I want to just concentrate on that day and not all the major anxieties that I let leak in.

Corbin's was simpler to sum up but he has set some pretty huge standards for himself.  In his words, his resolution is to be "the goodest person in the universe".

I'll let you know how we're doing reaching our goals.

Blog Gems: All About Me

Blog Gems #6 is linking to an old post that is all about ME.  

On my 27th birthday I wrote a list of 27 things I love.  

Enjoy!

Spoiled Rotten Children

Josh had Corbin very worried that the Hagrid hut was not his- but alas he found the directions in his stocking, so he held it up for a picture so he'd have proof.

I know the great penguin race would have normally elicited hand-flapping and squealing, but a 101.6 fever made it just get this pensive stare.

They say children with autism have bigger craniums- this picture is proof of that. 

A fever also makes for a more sensitive scalp- so Brian tested his new head massager on Corbin instead. 

Very easily mesmerized. 

New monster slippers.

A horse stable and a sick boy. 

A present from big brother Corbin- very smart pick- I think this may have got Brian's first smile of the morning. 

Holy Darth Vadar Goodness!! 

So even though Josh and I have been together for three years he seems to not know about my non-war/gun toy policy.  Corbin was so excited to unwrap some G.I.Joe action figures from Josh. 

Magic Show!  I want to try some of these out- see if I can make money appear from behind my ear or something- you know to fill my bank account back up from after Christmas. 

So glad the therapy-swing set from Santa got a little smirk from the Bri-Guy. 

Brian checking out this Alphie character. 

Christmas threw up in my livingroom (easier to clean up than the previous night's from Brian). 

Had no clue this new track would be Brian's favorite gift of the day. 

And Corbin's favorite that he played ALL day today- a DSi from Santa.  He's taken advantage of the "free reign" he's allowed for these two days before rules start to apply on Monday (room clean, time limit, etc.).

Merry Christmas (a week later)!!