Sunday, September 11, 2011

I Can't Fight It Every Time

Brian takes the "Be Kind, Rewind"
slogan a bit too seriously.
Brian is the most obnoxious person to watch a movie with.

I'm not even talking about the fact that he can't sit still and will often run in front of the TV repeatedly while jumping, flapping, and squealing.

He's now decided that he has to watch sections of movies over and over and over and over again....

That one phrase he thinks is funny, the one time the character falls down, or when they sneeze- he'll watch it for five seconds, rewind, watch the five seconds over's ridiculous really.

It drives me bonkers and I don't even stay in there to watch it.  I usually allow him to do it while I'm doing chores or catching up on daily notes for work.  However, as much as it drives me insane, multiple that by 100 for Corbin.

Friday morning I was rushing around as usual, still with a towel on my head, packing lunches, with only about ten minutes left to go before we should be out the door (should being the operative word).  I hear Brian doing his thing on the television.  We have a house rule that there are no electronics before school, yet I was pretending like I didn't know it was going on because I was running behind and frankly I didn't have time for a tantrum.

Enter Corbin.  He starts covering the buttons on the VCR and pushing Brian away so Brian can't keep rewinding the part.  I yell out from the kitchen, "Just let him be Corbin!".  Corbin responds, "But I want to watch the movie without him stopping it!!"  I reply, "Please!!!  You can pick a movie after school.  Just let him do it!"

Corbin stops, I run upstairs to run a brush through my hair.  Next thing I know Brian is screaming like someone is putting burning daggers into his eyes.  I fly down the stairs to find Corbin tackling Brian to the ground to keep him from pressing the buttons.

And I lose it.

I yell, with that scary-mommy-look in my eyes.


Corbin is staring at me with his lip quivering, just about in tears.

I think I'm losing my mind.  Okay, maybe not my mind, but my patience.  I have been working full-time, not getting home until around 6 most evenings, doing all the chores and homework, getting the boys up and going in the know, typical working-single-mom stuff- but then throw in the autism.  I don't want to have that fight anymore.  I don't want to have to either fight a tantrum every minute or bend my own rules to avoid a tantrum.

I don't want Corbin to have to deal with crap because I'm too lazy and rushed and strung-out to face that autism head-on.  But I can't do it.  I can't do it every time.  And sometimes I just need him to let his brother watch the same five seconds of a movie over and over and over and over again.

I'm sorry, Corbin.  I really am.


Kelly Hafer said...

Oh, Sweetie, I am so with you. But, please, like everyone told me last week - take a minute and breath. You need to catch your breath. That episode, while burning into your heart, won't be a blip on his radar after about, oh, twenty minutes. You are being pulled in so many different directions, so many balls juggling in the air - it's natural that something drop every once in awhile. You are doing your best and that is all you can do.

We are all pulling for you. Be strong. Breathe!

(Single)Mommy said...

It's not easy being a single mom. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy. Sometimes I yell & then feel guilty after. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you with the two & working so much. And throw autism in the mix. Do u have people to help so u can take some time for yourself to just relax & rejuvenate? Sending over hugs :)

Lizbethcole29 said...

Kelly said it much better than I can.  I don't know how you do it working and getting them out the door and everything else.  Those moments are the worst where you know you late and you're 1 millisecond away from totally going off on them.  What matters is that you are doing the best you can and you know what?  A little TV wont kill them.  Like you, I sooo wish they could watch more than one little blip in a movie.  That is infuriating sometimes.  Hang in there.  I'm pulling for you.

Karlatrx said...

It's so hard because you don't want to be unfair to Corbin but you just need him to leave Brian alone sometimes.  I hear you.  I've done the scary mom face and voice to my NTs and my Aspie at times.  I agree with Kelly, all of the patience and love you've shown will outweigh these moments.

One ridiculous argument between two of my children that blew up completely was about a picture of my son.  It had been taken 2 years before when he was 6.  His 10 year old sister showed it to him and he insisted it wasn't himself in the picture. Naturally she argued that he was wrong (who wouldn't?).  He had a nuclear meltdown!!  And she kept feeding it by insisting she was right.  I was so frustrated with her because she HAD TO STOP!!! And she was frustrated with me because we both knew she was right but I wouldn't back her up. That one left me yelling at her and I felt awful about it. It's crazy how Autism can put us in situations where we need to set aside reality to try and keep the peace.

Heather said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story!  It makes me feel a little less crazy ;)