Cry it out and then move on...

We're in the process of obtaining a Dynavox for Brian, to get approval from our insurance, we need to have a whole slew of evaluations done. One of them was cognitive testing. I wasn't very excited about it at all as I have heard over and over again how skewed they are for our kiddos that are nonverbal. He had the testing done at his preschool with his one-on-one present and she pumped me up a bit by saying she thought he did really well. So some of my doubt left me.

Today I recieved the evaluation in the mail. The evaluator used the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scales- Fifth Edition (SB5)- a test, I'm fairly familiar with as Corbin did it last year and did extremely well on. Well, Brian didn't so well. He was scored in every area from borderline impaired to moderately impaired. I broke down. I don't do it often, I might feel like I want to, but I hold it together for the sake of everyone.

I called my sister and just cried. Really cried. I cried for my son- that I've worked so hard for and he has worked so hard and I just will do ANYTHING fo him to help him achieve his goals and to learn to talk. I want to hear his voice and his thoughts so badly and I would give anything for that chance. I cried for the preconcieved notion his teachers will have of him next year. I cried for my little boy that may always be that "little boy" and for the days when kids might pick on him. I cried for his future- the unknown- I want him to be happy, I want him to have a "normal" life, and to be able to do all the things I take for granted.

My sister cried with me but also gave me the push to get out of the tearfest- she reminded me how far he has come, how smart WE ALL KNOW he is- no matter what some test says, she reminded me that no matter if Brian progresses on or not he will be happy because he has all of us. I got off the phone with her and felt better (though I have a huge lump in my throat while typing this).

Not only did I feel better but I felt determined- went online and am looking up some nonverbal IQ tests that I'm going to demand him to recieve. If anyone has any suggestions I would be greatly appreciative.