Friday, July 23, 2010


I am not a decision maker. I have a hard time making them. I have a big one to make right now.

Did you hear about the Bright Eyes Project that the Thoughtful House was putting out? 50 grants to 50 different families to help them get services they may not be able to financially afford on their own? Well I applied to it on a whim. Thought to myself, wouldn't that be great?

Well, I got accepted. Heart skipping, wanting to do a happy dance. Except....

it's not just a free trip. Of course, I knew that from the beginning, but at the beginning I thought I had zero chance of actually being picked.

So if I accept this grant (I told them today I couldn't say yes at that very moment) Brian will get $5,000 worth of treatment. I will need to initially cover transportation there (Austin, TX), hotel (Thoughtful House does have several hotels in the area that offer discounts to their clients though), a $250 co-pay, and maybe some money towards blood work and supplements (no exact dollar amount as they are still working on the labs offering discounts and/or donations).

That's still a lot of money for a single mom who is in school full-time and working as much as I can fit in with my school schedule. Not to mention after the first visit we will need to do one more visit a few months later- so again transportation, hotel, and at that point a $200 co-pay.

Every fiber in my being thinks I will regret this if I pass it up but every logical cell in my brain is telling me I need to be careful that I don't stretch us too thin so that we are struggling just for everyday expenses. I already have a ton of fundraising ideas I could put together but will it be worth it? What if I do this, spend all this money, and nothing changes?

I'm at the point of Brian's treatment that I have been struggling with the whole idea of recovery. I will always believe Brian can learn and develop more on his own curve but am I just holding on to fantasy when I am hoping for him to actually lose a little bit more of his "autism" (you know what I mean).

I'm struggling with this decision as I don't really know anyone else "in real life" that has gone down this biomedical road and I wish I knew people who have been to the Thoughtful House as well to weigh in on this decision.

Where's that Magic 8 ball when I need it?


Lynn said...

Hi Heather...we worked with Thoughtful House a few years back, but just for a few months (Dr. Jepson). What exactly would you be getting for the $5K? Have you done much biomed to this point? Do you decide what treatments you get or do they? Let me know if you want to talk realtime...

Christina said...

I can understand having to make decisions like that. Congrats on being accepted and good luck with whatever you decide!