That's What I Needed

I had a chance to stay for an extra twenty minutes or so after dropping the boys off to school this morning.

I watched Brian on the playground for a little bit.  He likes to sequester himself to the corner of the playground where he leans against the fence and glues his eyes to a distant street across from the road.  Why?  Because there are train tracks on that road and there's always a very slim possibility he might get to see a train.

What caught my eye was two little girls in pink came over and stood next to him and were trying to converse with him.  He wasn't answering but they didn't give up and they ended up staying there next to him until the bell rang.

I sneaked inside and took the time to track down his special education teacher to see how the last two days have gone.  She's still getting to know Brian but she's definitely on top of things.  I like that she seems to be getting a good handle on his skills and is already thinking of ways to push him.

After I let her go so she could see to the rest of her students I decided to go see if I could peek into his regular ed room where he starts his mornings off at.  I wanted to be conspicuous but I really wanted to see how he was adjusting to first grade after two years of kindergarten.  

There was my little boy sitting at his table with five peers.  They each had their book boxes in front of them and they were all reading.  All of the other tables were doing the same thing.  There was barely any noise.  Brian wasn't looking around or flapping- he was sitting there reading his book to his one-on-one.  If she wasn't sitting next to him, there is no way you would've picked him out of the crowd.  

Wow, I'm so glad I got to witness those five minutes.  I just feel like it released so much of my tension and anxiety.  That's my boy.  My brilliant, sweet, full-of-potential little boy.

Not a picture from today.  But cute nonetheless. 

I Wish I Didn't Care.

Last night I was exhausted.

Yet, I was sitting on my bed with both of my boys' binders open in front of me.  You know those binders?  The ones that you keep all of the IEPs, evaluations, medical records, etc. in?  The boys actually have several binders each.  

I wanted to sleep more than anything but instead I was pouring myself into their IEPs....because yesterday was their first day of school.  And everything didn't go as planned.  And I'm tired of being so unsure and apprehensive about their school placement every single year.

I sat there and the thought crossed my mind..."I wish I didn't care".  Sometimes, I really wish I didn't.  Do you know how much easier life would be?  Yet, do you know how much crappier my kids' lives would be?

Well besides some problems with Brian's placement (it seemed as if they wanted to exclude him a bit more than I had planned, but it's fixed) and Corbin's utter dislike for his new classroom.....I guess it was a good day.  Well at least they looked good doing it, right?

Hurricane Irene Meets Brian

Hurricane Irene knocked out our power for about three hours yesterday.  Really the only damage done.

Not that big of a deal....unless you have autism.

Brian was running all around the house, trying every switch, every electronic.  Each try met with a bellowing "OH NO!!!! BROKE!!!!"  This went on for about the first hour until he finally gave up.

And try explaining to him not to flush the toilet after using it.  Yeah, that goes over REAL well with the OCD tendencies he has in the bathroom.

Thank you Central Maine Power for getting our power on before it got too dark.  Not sure what he would've done if he couldn't do the mandatory light flicking of the hallway before bedtime.

Secret Super Powers

I realized something the other day.

I make professionals working with Brian like me.  I don't know if they realize I'm doing it, but I seriously force them to become my best friend.

I'm not sure how I do it, maybe it's my secret super-power.  I always wished I could fly or be invisible, but I could settle for this.

I did it to my boys' SLP and OT.  Hence, why I had a job secured before I even graduated.  Hence, why I got our SLP to collaborate with the school SLP.

I did it to Corbin's first teacher.  Which is why when she knew Brian and I were coming to a classroom event she always made sure to provide allergen-free snacks.

I did it to Brian's first teacher.  It helped that her and her husband had been friends of my father's for a while too.  That was why she met with him several times during the summer prior to his second year.  It's why she came on her own time to his horse show.  It's why she had tears in her eyes when we finished up the year with her last year.

I did it to our special education teacher last year.  We are now seriously best friends.  We hang out all the time, call each other to complain about everything from men to NCLB, and I love her to pieces.

People like me and then Brian gets the services he needs.

Okay, now that I'm done trying to pretend it's me...

It's really this boy I have.  You can't help but love him, squeeze him, kiss those cheeks.  He is so unbelievably charming for a child that doesn't speak.  I have not met a professional that has not fallen in love with him.  Our new special education teacher has already been warned that she won't be able to help but fall in love with him.

He is so lovable.  And it's such a gift for him.

Well maybe he did get it from me (insert winky face).

Wasn't All Bad.

So on top of our trip to Funtown Splashtown, we also went camping.  I know.  I shouldn't even complain about any tantrums, right?  I just threw every single routine we had out of the window for three days....it was like I was asking for him to have a meltdown.  And then of course add in that the kid refuses to have a bowel movement away from home.  No wonder by the time we were in Funtown he was miserable.

However, now that I've had a few days to think it over.  I think it was a somewhat successful family weekend.

Low Points:

FOUR AM. NO JOKE.

• Thought we lost Brian a couple times.  Mix him having an excellent sense of direction and a distaste for communicating and we found him just going to the restrooms by himself without telling anyone on several occasions.
• The first night we camped out, he woke up at 4 am.  Him and I actually climbed into the minivan and watched movies on the iPad as to not wake up the entire campground.
• I finally released him from said minivan at 6:20 am....only about five minutes later we had one of our "neighbors" screaming "STOP!!!" from her camper.  He's loud in the morning.
• We're pretty sure he peed sometime during the night.  Sleeping bag was dry, pajamas were dry, but there was a definite scent of urine.  Still trying to figure that one out.
• The campground deciding that the outside family-movie was going to be "The Little Fockers."  We thought it was going to be The Last Airbender.  When the movie started Corbin looked at me and said, "Am I suppose to be watching this?"

High Points:

• The neighbor that we pissed off?  Well her and her boyfriend and friends were up drinking and being loud until midnight or so the night before.  So really that above bullet up there...not even a low point.  I find it HILARIOUS that we woke her up the next morning.
• Building a fire.  He really got into helping out and he was able to behave really safely around the campfire.
• Hanging out at the beach on Saturday.  Brian LOVED the waves.  It was a great morning.
• Sumo-wrestling with Corbin.
• Sneaking away with my sisters to celebrate my little sister turning 21.  Having such a great Mom that she stayed at the campground with all three of her grandchildren so we could go act as if we didn't have any responsibilities.
• Smores!!

Bwahahahaha.

Does it make me an evil mother that I can not stop laughing at my kids' expression on these rides?

I seriously didn't force them to go on them.  

Brian even asked to go on the log flume again and again.

My stomach is seriously hurting from laughing so hard.

I hate autism.

"I hate autism.  I effin' hate it."

I said these words to my sister as I watched my son play in the kiddie pool at Funtown Splashtown.

He's seven years old and he was sequestered to the kiddie pool with all of the toddlers.

We tried to play in the Pirates Paradise.  A play structure with squirt guns, slides, rope ladders, a pirate head that dumps 500 gallons of water every two minutes ....every kids dream.  It really was  Brian's dream too.  It would've been perfect....if he was the only kid playing on it.

He loved it.   Loved it so much that he couldn't wait in line or share it.  I followed him through the structure as he flapped and laughed.  I grabbed his hand when he started to shove.  I had to pick him up as he kicked and screamed.  I had to chase him down as he ran in the "no running" zone.  I witnessed three adults try to hold him back from cutting in line after he had got away from me.

I could not handle it anymore.  Maybe it was the fact that I had only got 8 hours of sleep in the last 48 hours...but I did not have the patience to continue to pick him up, have him kick, have people stare, have him yell.  I couldn't do it.  

I carried him, while he screamed at the top of his lungs, and put him in the kiddie pool.  

It took a little while but he stopped crying and he did enjoy himself in the pool.  But that's all we could do.  He could not go to any attraction that required waiting in a line and taking turns.  

Poor Corbin had to go play in the big-kid pool by himself.  Then he went on some slides by himself.  Having a sibling with a disability really makes one grow up fast.  Later I was able to accompany him on a few rides as my sister was able to watch Brian in the kiddie pool.

I finally understood why some families will take their other kids on vacation without their ASD child.  Horrible to say, right?  And I really hate the thought of it, because I don't want to alienate Brian.  I just want to alienate his autism.  I want to kick it in the ass and make it leave our lives.

Someone told me it gets better.  Really?  Because I took Brian there two years ago and he did better at that point then he did yesterday.  Maybe it was a bad day.  Maybe it was because we had been camping and his routine had been off.  Who knows?  All I know is that if he didn't have autism, we wouldn't have had those issues.  

Yup, I hate autism.  End of story.